The puzzle has assembled itself. In ten dimensions, not unlike the Tree of Life’s, the unfathomable has become capturable. The structure, always visible, now makes sense. It's an open secret, but I've been blind to it. So here I sit and wonder: “What the fuck over, Yahweh?! Lucifer?! THIS is a problem. I think I have to take it to your superior.”
Who do they think cares about their ancient feud? Yahweh didn’t give us free will and is jealous because Lucifer allows people to nibble on the tree of knowledge? Really? Who do they think is interested in this battle of the Gods? Why don’t they take it elsewhere?!
If you ask me, I think they're both offspring of the same tree. The tree comes into perceptibility through the oscillation between those poles, Yahweh and Lucifer. Take one off : —> No tree. The game is: "See me (the tree) through contrast."
So “there once were….” two siblings, both well-meaning, but each going about it very differently. But that's all. They're offspring. They're not IT. They’re not the “Superior,” God, Absolute Reality. Like you and me and our beloved planet, they’re an expression of it. That’s all.
So beyond, beyond, beyond we see. And we don't hesitate, we don't stop, pass go, or collect $200, instead we see: NOW. Penetrate into the heart of things and unhinge the whole racket at once.
"Hate" (in the sense of forcing away what is present) is the specialty of "the enemy," the one perceived as “enemy,” and perceiving “enemy.” And thus, returning to it anger and rejection and fighting-against is useless. For: It's not the specialty of humans. Fighting-against is NOT our strong suit. Moving-with is. Therefore the only overpowering force is Nonviolence. Truthforce. Movement from a pure and present heart. And that's a choice. THAT's what free will is. It's got nothing to do with good or bad, it just doesn't. It's just that moving-with is healthier for human beings, that's all. "It's not good, it's good FOR you."
Because the above-named "superior” loves all of itself, you cannot go wrong by being whatever you are. Whatever you are. Really. Truly. Because whatever you are, you are part of it, and you are it. And however you manifest, each moment, you are loved. That's not the question. LOVE is not the question.
The question is WILL. Free will. True will. Can my true will be different from God’s will and still be sustainable, truly pleasurable, truly desirable, truly be my true will?
To me, violence is anything that fights against the way the life force is present in each moment – a losing battle, anyway, but we try. Nonviolence is anything that moves with the way the life force is present. And if you ask me, that's the only reason to do it, to cultivate nonviolence: That it's simply healthier and less stressful to the human organism. Nonviolence works with our nature. There is a feeling of thriving, life rushing through my veins: Pulsing, halting, coagulating, even dividing. And letting my consciousness flow along with those movements is what makes all the difference. Walking straight through all violence, touched yet untouched, touched but unbothered, laying a new trail of light: And now. And now. And now. Each moment. Walking straight through all of it. Not inferring meaning from the observed. Just waking up each moment, again. And now. And now. And now.
And because that above named "superior” doesn't mind whatever the quality of your outfit, whatever adjective you dress yourself or another with, there is no need to rebel. Because you're accepted rebelling and complying. Because there is no law. There is no law.
Such is free will: The choice is yours. And it's NOT a choice between good or evil. It's not. It's between: Do I still want to fight this? Do I still want to do this to my human organism? Or do I want to position myself in a way that supports and nurtures the inherent nonviolence of this human organism? And yes, Gaian creatures do hunt to eat. Including us human apes. That's NOT what I consider violence. As I see it, hunting to eat is something that arises WITH the flow of all that is.
So our famous free will simply speaks to a choice about self-care, all-care, Gaia-care, NOT to the ability to choose "good or evil". Because there is no good or evil. There just is. Accepting our Gaian condition, which is that violence simply isn't all that natural to us, we can choose to thrive. Just for the fun of it. The joy of it. The well-feeling of it. It's simply going WITH OUR NATURE. That's what I think. It doesn't mean that conflict stops. Because discourse is part of our nature, and how we grow. It just means that fighting the conflict stops, trying to make the obvious go away, that stops.
It’s God’s will that’s my true will. And that will is what is. I can fight this will, or I can will with it. I can observe and be willing to be with its emergence through me. That’s my choice. That’s how free will manifests. No Yahweh, no Lucifer required.
That's my ode to life for today. Thanks for listening.
14. February 2014
i see the dichotomy between the good and evil is the god and satan inference the idea of violence has been since the dawning of time a ever presence of good and evil which had no name to it until writings with a secular vision started to say which one was in the preverse and which one was revealed as such. being mindful of each of the variants and being mindful of the choices that we have. stating the truths as we perceive them instead of what we are told that they are. reality according to our own beings, not through others construct of their reality as opposed to yours. so if violence ie war is as abstract as this and true violence is its end and beginning where do you and i come to play in this play of reality? how do we stop the play of pawn and how do we come to a place of calm and bliss. its in the minds eye that the great eye that is showing us the answers to the universe becomes into agreement within our inner selves. to have peace with our selves is the goal. and thats why the insidious things that were so deploring to you and me have got to be brought back to the base level. going back to simpleness and your core base. i am so proud of you understanding and awareness this is quite the new manifesto of awareness lots of love me bb (David Delbridge)
Fear and Emptiness
According to my most recent blog entry, fear and emptiness are the great enemies of purpose. Trying to avoid feeling afraid in the face of a bully, and feeling empty in the face of seduction, is what keeps us in a trance of allowing manipulation to hook our psyche. This is what keeps us plugged into the illusions of our heart/mind. And we all know that's not what we want. We want to be real. Not in a holodeck, forgotten, by ourselves, who we are, and how we got there.
Fear is useless. I have learned that during times of real danger, physical or metaphysical, fear is utterly useless. At least that's true for me. Fear terrifies me and I can't think clearly. And yet, in such a situation, thinking clearly is of utmost importance.
I have a friend. I am quite certain that he has an immobile amygdala.* I'm not sure that my friend will admit this, but he does admit he's "not the fear type." That's putting it mildly. The amygdala, an almond shaped mass in the brain, processes anxiety, fear, and other emotions. When it doesn't move, digestion of emotions is inhibited. This has many implications, some of them rather disconcerting for the surrounding social environment. One is the complete absence of fear.
According to my understanding of the condition, there are no memories of scary events; no anticipation of punishment. No memory of punishment. Or other forms of painful events. This allows for what looks like a blatantly ruthless way of moving in the world, genuinely without concern for self or others, because there is no experience of fear-based suffering. There is also no truly personal experience, neither within, nor without. So other beings are impersonal, like chess pieces, and all that matters is to save the king, and to do so through strategy. There is no fear of social repercussions. The only discomfort is to find freedom limited, or ease impaired. But fear is no concept.
This is socially highly fascinating. Because recognizing how a person reasons and acts who does not experience fear, I realize how most of us, in fact, 97% of us, whose amygdala moves in response to impulses, and lets us know when we feel worry, fear, or caring concern, are completely hooked by avoiding negative social implications. Our entire society is BUILT on scaring each other from doing things that aren't generally acceptable. This means we constantly constantly constantly use each other's tendency to get afraid as a way to manipulate each other into being docile citizens.
And this is not just fear of obvious punishment such as prison or other types of blatant pains. This is simply the fear of subtle disapproval signals. We all send them. We roll our eyes. We smile at someone, and as soon as they look away, grimace. I try try try try try to keep myself from doing it when I find myself about to, or in the middle of it. I think it's the easy way out: I get away with quickly putting it on them when I'm uncomfortable with something they do, say, or express. Instead of looking into my own heart, honestly, I get to roll my eyes. Tiny. A tiny instant only. And yet so powerful. Just now behind their backs I have washed myself off my dirt and poured it over them. But really, all it means is that I get to keep my shit. You know what I mean? I get to stay unconscious. I get to ignore who I really am. In this moment. Of rolling my eyes.
You'd think since I try hard to prevent my doing this type of manipulation to others - or really, doing it to myself, since it's simply a way to avoid deeper self-knowledge - that I'd be freer when people do it to me. But I'm not. Maybe to some small extent, yes. I can sit there, once I realize what's happening, and go: "They are not doing this consciously. I understand how it happens." I have to be alert like a lynx to catch and keep myself from doing it. So I don't blame them. But even though I know that, the same way I do, it's just their way of keeping themselves comfortable and safe in who they think they are, and what they think is right and wrong, I still play. I play this social game of liking each other. (No this is not a fb joke but it could become one if I thought about it longer.)
I realize how much I am influenced by this quality of manipulation. It has become more subtle over the years - the decades of search for inner freedom have not completely left me without findings, thank the Goddess - but the principle remains the same: Without even being aware, I realize, in stark contrast to this bad friend of mine, that I am constantly juggling the avoiding of disapproval signals: will the receptionist be unhappy if I do that, will the waiter be happier if I do that. Do I need to go to this party, or what do I need to do to turn down the invitation without jeopardizing relations with others. I can't even list them or find appropriate situations. The ones I'm listing above are way too crude for what I'm actually trying to say here. It is so subtle, what I'm referring to, so subtle. Because once it becomes as obvious and crude as described, it becomes easy to deal with. But while it's in the subtle stages, it's such a pain of bondage. The bondage of mutual social conditioning.
Now of course put someone with a frozen amygdala, with complete absence of fears, including and especially these subtle social fears, with me, or anyone else (you, e.g.) whose amygdala functions unfrozenly toward providing a properly conditioned member of society - and you get an explosive, highly highly explosive, situation.
Because see, we usually regulate each other through these subtle fears and desires for acceptance and approval. If one side doesn't have that, but is extremely good at figuring out what signals to send to me to trigger me releasing of the goodies they want, but at the same time is completely immune to my subtly or directly communicated preferences regarding their goodies (directly communicated since, see above, that's what I strive for, out of fairness to those around me) - you can see, this spells disaster.
The reason this bugs me, and why I'm writing about it, is that I WANT MORE FREEDOM than this! I do think it's perfectly alright to care about other people enough to be concerned about their heart when making decisions. But I do not think that it's okay to be motivated by this subtle fear.
I appreciate my own efforts to become aware of my manipulating others, and stopping it. I am grateful for this friend because NONE of my previously unconscious manipulations work. And because they don't work the way they usually do, I finally get to see they're there, that I'm doing them. I get hit over my head by their absence of functioning on this man. But becoming aware so far has not protected me from falling for wanting to do, or refrain from doing, whatever the things are that would trigger his releasing of yummy goodies. Thus, driven by trying to avoid fear and emptiness - I've become a slave. So - you can see - he's getting a good deal. A very good deal.
This is the reason why I think fear is ultimately useless. Because the only purpose fear seems to serve is to be able to be manipulatable. By each other. It seems to be important for human ape society to function as well as it does. And we think it functions poorly. But really - it functions very well. And it's that subtle fear, amygdala moving produced worry and anxiety, that allows us to mold each other.
I seek a path past that. A path that allows for a healthy conscience. One that honors that I experience fear. But one that allows me to not get manipulated by that fear, or by the fear of feeling the fear. So - here I go, head on - readying myself to feel fear, and to experience emptiness - and to be free. With a heart. Free. With heart. Free. With heart.
*The result of a frozen amygdala is commonly referred to as "psychopathy" and, in milder terms, "sociopathy." Or in other words -- underlying psychopathy or sociopathy is given the physical cause of the amygdala remaining stuck. Mostly the difference is that a psychopath is more easily considered criminal when lacking the brilliance to escape jurisdiction.
Due proper alchemical respects, I have friends and family on the inner planes, including my inner soul husband and our three light body spirit children and their partners and children. Most of my inner experiences and outer writing include them.